Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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