My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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