My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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