first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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