He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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