you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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