this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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