i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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