i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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