Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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