If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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