i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize