im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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