im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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