U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
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Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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