yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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