my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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