apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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