I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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