Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize