she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
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Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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