Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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