Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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