dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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