I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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