i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
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Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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