She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
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Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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