on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize