i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Sponge bath it is.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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