I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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