I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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