check it out our google latitudes are spooning
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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