people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
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Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
that may or may not have been my penis.
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