Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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