Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
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I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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