Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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