Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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