He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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