I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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