If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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