I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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