Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize