I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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