My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize