Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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