you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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