He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
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After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
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I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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