I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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