Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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