You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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